Summer was a busy time for me and a stressful time for Steph.
My summer was marked by two big events. The first was my mission trip to Haiti in early July. I went with my senior high youth group from church. There were a total of 12 students and 6 adults. Despite our limited time (a week) I feel like we were really able to make a difference in the people we came across when we were down there. They are so appreciative of so little. We spent our time handing out food, praying for people, playing with the kids at the orphanage we stayed at, and putting on Vacation Bible School in the remote areas of southwestern Haiti. I could go on and on, but I won't. If you want to know more you can feel free to ask. There are also a number of pictures on my facebook page.
The other big event for me this summer was our church's junior high bible camp. Although it is a jr high camp, I am able to work with a number of the senior high students who go there to work. Our role is to basically make sure the whole week runs smoothly and the kids are having fun. After the campers go to sleep, we plan for the next day and have our own small group time. This kept us up til 4am some nights. It was totally worth it though and I was able to enter in to the lives and minds of those high school students. It was an amazing time, and in many ways much more powerful than my trip to Haiti. Incredible to think that God could affect me more in Wisconsin than he could in Haiti.
While I was preparing to go to Haiti , Steph was preparing to welcome a new family member to the house. And apparently being 7-9 months pregnant in the middle of summer with a marginally functional air-conditioner is not pleasant. None of that compared to challenge of having optic neuritis. Don't know what that is? Basically, she lost vision in her left eye. The doctors didn't know why and couldn't give a good clue of when it would come back, their best guess is that it would probably come back after the pregnancy. It started to come back when I was in Haiti and fully returned shortly thereafter. We had an appointment with a neurologist, which was didn't resolve anything. He said that he thought she might have Multiple Sclerosis. The optic neuritis would qualify as one scleroses, but he had no clear evidence that there was more than one. We have yet to go back for a follow up after the pregnancy, but since Steph has not had any other episodes, we se no reason to go back yet.
To recap: so far... outdoor Twins baseball, conference championship, new house, 1st anniversary, trip to Haiti, and temporary blindess- and Jordan hasn't even been born yet.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Year in Review- Spring
Our year started off with the news that Steph and I would be parents. It was a moment that I had been waiting, and in some regards preparing, for most of my life. I think it was this, in large part, that kept me grounded through the whole process.
I fast forward to the Spring though, because that's when things really started to heat up...
I am now moving into the last trimester of my 3rd year as a special education paraprofessional at Spring Lake Park High School. I work in the EBD Dept. (Emotional Behavior Disorders- draw what conclusions you want). I am not in love with my job, but it gets me a good foothold at SLP. I am in the building everyday and get to see a lot of my tennis players. I also am able to connect with students who I work with as the staff advisor for the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes).
At this point (foreshadowing), Steph is in her 12th year at Together Dating. She has a lot of positive relationships there, but the negatives are really starting to add up.
On April 15th, I attended my first game at Target Field. A friend and I went in together and bought a 20 game season ticket plan. (It sure does help when your wife is a Twins fan!) The first game that Steph and I made it to was April 18th. Spring is always a busy time for me because of coaching tennis, and this Spring the weather was very uncooperative for an outdoor sport.
May was a pretty crazy month. On the 17th, the boys tennis team that I coach beat Benilde-St. Margaret's to win their first Conference Championship in 11 years. It was a very proud moment for me, as it was something that I really worked for. I am more proud of the guys on my team. It was a special group of guys who were led by three outstanding captains. 6 days later, Steph and I moved into our new house in Brooklyn Park. It was a move that made sense for a lot of reasons, first and foremost was the addition to our family. It also made sense for us financially in the long run. 7 days after that, Steph and I celebrated our 1st anniversary (at the Twins game - we even got our names on the big screen- a benefit of being a season ticket holder).
It was a Spring of transition, and the metaphor fit our family perfectly.
Tomorrow: Summer.
I fast forward to the Spring though, because that's when things really started to heat up...
I am now moving into the last trimester of my 3rd year as a special education paraprofessional at Spring Lake Park High School. I work in the EBD Dept. (Emotional Behavior Disorders- draw what conclusions you want). I am not in love with my job, but it gets me a good foothold at SLP. I am in the building everyday and get to see a lot of my tennis players. I also am able to connect with students who I work with as the staff advisor for the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes).
At this point (foreshadowing), Steph is in her 12th year at Together Dating. She has a lot of positive relationships there, but the negatives are really starting to add up.
On April 15th, I attended my first game at Target Field. A friend and I went in together and bought a 20 game season ticket plan. (It sure does help when your wife is a Twins fan!) The first game that Steph and I made it to was April 18th. Spring is always a busy time for me because of coaching tennis, and this Spring the weather was very uncooperative for an outdoor sport.
May was a pretty crazy month. On the 17th, the boys tennis team that I coach beat Benilde-St. Margaret's to win their first Conference Championship in 11 years. It was a very proud moment for me, as it was something that I really worked for. I am more proud of the guys on my team. It was a special group of guys who were led by three outstanding captains. 6 days later, Steph and I moved into our new house in Brooklyn Park. It was a move that made sense for a lot of reasons, first and foremost was the addition to our family. It also made sense for us financially in the long run. 7 days after that, Steph and I celebrated our 1st anniversary (at the Twins game - we even got our names on the big screen- a benefit of being a season ticket holder).
It was a Spring of transition, and the metaphor fit our family perfectly.
Tomorrow: Summer.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Traditions
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a mager, because there was no guest room available for them.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all th people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
This tradition continued until I was confirmed. Then it continued as I taught 1st graders to memorize the same lines. And I led them up the same steps. And I handed them the same paper sacks that were handed to me 10 years before.
Traditions are amazing things. Sometimes they are deep with meaning and richness. Sometimes, they arise out of necessity. Sometimes they arise accidentally. Traditions are meaningful. But usually only to those who live them. Sometimes they lead to laughter. Sometimes they lead to tears. But always, they are embraced. They are not let go of easily. And when they are, they can leave a hole in your heart.
{When we got home, we would eat dinner- something mom usually put in the oven before we left for church. After dinner (or supper as it is called in my parents' house), we would open presents. After presents, we would walk over to grandma's house. (No matter how cold or snowy it was, we could always make that 100 foot walk.) Then it was an evening of more food, family, and more presents. And it was an evening of pulling the string that dangled from the Santa head "music box" that hung on the frame of the living room arch. When my sister and I were the youngest, we would always pass out the presents to everyone. When we grew up and great-grandchildren entered the festivities, my sister and I would watch as they took over that responsibility. And as my sister and I got older, toys turned to clothes, and then clothes turned to money.}
When grandma entered the nursing home, some of those traditions ended. We never had a contingency plan. There was never a concerted effort to keep them going. Some traditions fade over time. Not because we don't care, but because we just move forward. Now that I am married, I must share some traditions. Together, we have to decide who goes where and who does what. We have to balance time and distance. And we have to prioritize. Not by importance, but out of necessity.
I don't know if steak and crab legs rank high on the all-time list of Christmas traditions, but it has for Steph's family. And because of that, me too. I don't know if the barrage of sarcastic quips towards Grandma Vita ranks high on the list of yuletide cheer, but it does makes us laugh. I don't know if Don looks anything like Santa Claus, but the child-like joy of giving sure does resemble St. Nick.
When grandma entered the nursing home, the tradition of Christmas at Grandma's ended. But out of that, new traditions for all of the kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids started. Families change and families evolve. New traditions emerge. Steph and I will eventually settle in to our Christmas routine. (Wherever that may be.) We will establish new traditions for our family. And hopefully those traditions will mean something to all those involved. Hopefully they will be so significant that they will give birth to new traditions as well.
{Last night, Steph held Jordan and I told the Christmas story. Just like I did over 25 years ago. And Jordan smiled.}
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a mager, because there was no guest room available for them.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all th people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
{More than 25 years ago, I memorized those lines. Every Christmas Eve, I would walk up the stairs from the basement of Christ Chapel at Gustavus Adolphus College. I would enter the larger than life sanctuary- the equivalent to the Colusseum for a 6 year old. I would stand and wait by the fount that sat at the beginning of the aisle and restrain myself from splashing the water. As I walked down the aisle, I would gaze back towards the choir balcony to see the gigantic pipe organ. I never remembered much about the service, but I always looked forward to what awaited us afterward. We were always given a paper sack which contained a candy bar (usually a Snickers), orange, apple, and best of all: salted-in-shell peanuts.}
Traditions are amazing things. Sometimes they are deep with meaning and richness. Sometimes, they arise out of necessity. Sometimes they arise accidentally. Traditions are meaningful. But usually only to those who live them. Sometimes they lead to laughter. Sometimes they lead to tears. But always, they are embraced. They are not let go of easily. And when they are, they can leave a hole in your heart.
{When we got home, we would eat dinner- something mom usually put in the oven before we left for church. After dinner (or supper as it is called in my parents' house), we would open presents. After presents, we would walk over to grandma's house. (No matter how cold or snowy it was, we could always make that 100 foot walk.) Then it was an evening of more food, family, and more presents. And it was an evening of pulling the string that dangled from the Santa head "music box" that hung on the frame of the living room arch. When my sister and I were the youngest, we would always pass out the presents to everyone. When we grew up and great-grandchildren entered the festivities, my sister and I would watch as they took over that responsibility. And as my sister and I got older, toys turned to clothes, and then clothes turned to money.}
When grandma entered the nursing home, some of those traditions ended. We never had a contingency plan. There was never a concerted effort to keep them going. Some traditions fade over time. Not because we don't care, but because we just move forward. Now that I am married, I must share some traditions. Together, we have to decide who goes where and who does what. We have to balance time and distance. And we have to prioritize. Not by importance, but out of necessity.
I don't know if steak and crab legs rank high on the all-time list of Christmas traditions, but it has for Steph's family. And because of that, me too. I don't know if the barrage of sarcastic quips towards Grandma Vita ranks high on the list of yuletide cheer, but it does makes us laugh. I don't know if Don looks anything like Santa Claus, but the child-like joy of giving sure does resemble St. Nick.
When grandma entered the nursing home, the tradition of Christmas at Grandma's ended. But out of that, new traditions for all of the kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids started. Families change and families evolve. New traditions emerge. Steph and I will eventually settle in to our Christmas routine. (Wherever that may be.) We will establish new traditions for our family. And hopefully those traditions will mean something to all those involved. Hopefully they will be so significant that they will give birth to new traditions as well.
{Last night, Steph held Jordan and I told the Christmas story. Just like I did over 25 years ago. And Jordan smiled.}
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Marriage...
I was once told that in order to be a good father, you need to be a good husband. While I often struggle to put the latter into practice, I very much believe that there is a lot of truth to that statement. Jordan will learn what love is, first and foremost, from Steph and I. So, the way that I treat Steph will show Jordan how he should treat others, most notably- women.
Today, we celebrated my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. And while I have not always agreed with my parents (because there have been occasions where I have), I know that their love for each other has served as a strong model for me. I know that how they have handled their relationship with each other has served as a strong model for me. Their example of marriage is one of the major reasons that they were, and are, good parents.
I believe that if I can model much of what they have done as parents, then I can be a better husband to Steph, and in turn, a better father to Jordan.
Thought of the moment: thanks!
Today, we celebrated my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. And while I have not always agreed with my parents (because there have been occasions where I have), I know that their love for each other has served as a strong model for me. I know that how they have handled their relationship with each other has served as a strong model for me. Their example of marriage is one of the major reasons that they were, and are, good parents.
I believe that if I can model much of what they have done as parents, then I can be a better husband to Steph, and in turn, a better father to Jordan.
Thought of the moment: thanks!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Year in Review
Stay tuned: Instead of sending out a Christmas letter, I have decided to share our year via my blog. After Christmas, I will be posting four separate blogs titled: Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Snowpocalypse 2010
Well, we are alive. I spent about a total of 4 hours in the driveway on 3 separate occasions. My little snowblower (bought at a garage sale for $50 made it through it) I am having a serious case of man toy envy though as I watch all of the other guys in our neighborhood with their bigger, stronger snowblowers. It beats shoveling though. Steph said she felt bad for me. Asked if I felt bad that she has to do all of the inside work, I said "no." Early on in the relationship, I told her that she had all of the inside work and I had all of the outside work. That was a much easier proposition for me when we lived in the townhome, however. I don't mind though- it let's me play my "man card."
My friend Adam came over today and took family/baby pictures. Jordan was not his normal smily self though, but I think we got some good pictures. It's the first time that Steph, Jordan, and I are in the same picture. I would have thought that I would have taken more pictures than I have. It's on my long term wish list to get a better camera. After borrowing Adam's camera after Jordan was born, I got a little spoiled by its picture quality. I am also need to get new rechargeable batteries. Seems a little funny to me that you even need to replace rechargeable batteries. I thought that was the whole point of getting rechargeable batteries.
I took Jordan into the doctor last week. He had been just a bit fussy, but he had a stretch of diarrhea, and lost a little bit of his appetite. Steph saw him pulling on his ears and thought that he was starting to teethe. (While early, not out of the realm of possibility.) After noticing a very large amount of ear wax, especially in his ear canal it almost looked like he had a hearing aid in), I did a Google search. A lot of his symptoms also pointed to a possible ear infection. The nurse thought he was fine though. No ear infection. And no signs of teething. She did mention that Asians tend to have more ear wax and that it has a grainer consistency. Steph didn't believe me.
Every day is still an amazing discovery with Jordan. He is starting to respond to all sorts of new ways to get him to smile and laugh. Steph has hers that work and I have mine that work. Even when Jordan is in a funk or crabby or fussy, he will break out a quick smile or grin.
Thought of the moment: Chilly
My friend Adam came over today and took family/baby pictures. Jordan was not his normal smily self though, but I think we got some good pictures. It's the first time that Steph, Jordan, and I are in the same picture. I would have thought that I would have taken more pictures than I have. It's on my long term wish list to get a better camera. After borrowing Adam's camera after Jordan was born, I got a little spoiled by its picture quality. I am also need to get new rechargeable batteries. Seems a little funny to me that you even need to replace rechargeable batteries. I thought that was the whole point of getting rechargeable batteries.
I took Jordan into the doctor last week. He had been just a bit fussy, but he had a stretch of diarrhea, and lost a little bit of his appetite. Steph saw him pulling on his ears and thought that he was starting to teethe. (While early, not out of the realm of possibility.) After noticing a very large amount of ear wax, especially in his ear canal it almost looked like he had a hearing aid in), I did a Google search. A lot of his symptoms also pointed to a possible ear infection. The nurse thought he was fine though. No ear infection. And no signs of teething. She did mention that Asians tend to have more ear wax and that it has a grainer consistency. Steph didn't believe me.
Every day is still an amazing discovery with Jordan. He is starting to respond to all sorts of new ways to get him to smile and laugh. Steph has hers that work and I have mine that work. Even when Jordan is in a funk or crabby or fussy, he will break out a quick smile or grin.
Thought of the moment: Chilly
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving!
It is probably too cliche' for me to say hat I have a lot to be thankful for this year, so I won't.
But I am :)
It has been a pretty hectic last week for Jordan. He has seen 4 grandparents, 2 aunts and an uncle, and various other guests. I think that it is special that he gets to see so many people, and that he can get used to so many people, and so often. But he takes after Steph in that he gets easily tired (and maybe stressed) while all of this is going on. Steph definitely likes her down time. I, for the most part, need to be around people all of the time. But then, (all of a sudden, Steph says) I flip and need my alone time. I guess Jordan gets a little of both of us in that. We have found that he is pretty temperamental. One moment he is all smiles, the next moment he is fussy. (He probably gets that from me more than Steph).
Jordan has found his feet. Tonight he was on my chest, sitting up and staring at his feet. I took of his socks so he could see his toes and feel that they were really his. So much amazement and inquisitiveness in his eyes and face!
I think the thing that I am most thankful for right now is Steph. Parenthood is hard. Marriage is hard as well, but not as hard. (Steph hasn't slipped my grasp and fallen back and hit her head on the floor, yet). On more than one occasion, I have told Steph I don't know how single parents do it. I know that I would not be enjoying this as much as I am without her to share it with.
Word of the moment: Grace.
But I am :)
It has been a pretty hectic last week for Jordan. He has seen 4 grandparents, 2 aunts and an uncle, and various other guests. I think that it is special that he gets to see so many people, and that he can get used to so many people, and so often. But he takes after Steph in that he gets easily tired (and maybe stressed) while all of this is going on. Steph definitely likes her down time. I, for the most part, need to be around people all of the time. But then, (all of a sudden, Steph says) I flip and need my alone time. I guess Jordan gets a little of both of us in that. We have found that he is pretty temperamental. One moment he is all smiles, the next moment he is fussy. (He probably gets that from me more than Steph).
Jordan has found his feet. Tonight he was on my chest, sitting up and staring at his feet. I took of his socks so he could see his toes and feel that they were really his. So much amazement and inquisitiveness in his eyes and face!
I think the thing that I am most thankful for right now is Steph. Parenthood is hard. Marriage is hard as well, but not as hard. (Steph hasn't slipped my grasp and fallen back and hit her head on the floor, yet). On more than one occasion, I have told Steph I don't know how single parents do it. I know that I would not be enjoying this as much as I am without her to share it with.
Word of the moment: Grace.
Monday, November 15, 2010
but for how long...
After a feeding, I laid Jordan on his mat to play. (He became fussy, as the 7 o'clock hour has now become the time that he wants to go to bed. Mommy and Daddy would prefer a couple of hours later so we only have to get up once during the night.) I went into the office and left him to stew on his mat a little bit. When I came out, he had soothed himself into a partial nap by sucking on his hand/thumb. He started to squirm a bit so I decided not to fight it. I picked him up and went to rock him to sleep for a nap.
Once we got to the chair, he was wide awake. All he could do was look up at me and smile with the widest, sweetest smile I have ever seen. He smiled at me with his eyes, as well as his mouth. It was evident that all affection on earth at that moment was directed at me. The transparent love nearly brought me to tears. It is really an experience that defies explanation.
And I reveled in the moment.
Then, I wondered... How long will he look at me like this? How long will he dote on me? At what point will things change, if they ever do? Will he always look at me in the same reverential way? And assuming that he doesn't, what did I do to change that? Was it a single event? Or a multitude of things?
Those are moments that I guess I will deal with when we get there. For now, I will enjoy them.
Thought of the moment: Humility.
Once we got to the chair, he was wide awake. All he could do was look up at me and smile with the widest, sweetest smile I have ever seen. He smiled at me with his eyes, as well as his mouth. It was evident that all affection on earth at that moment was directed at me. The transparent love nearly brought me to tears. It is really an experience that defies explanation.
And I reveled in the moment.
Then, I wondered... How long will he look at me like this? How long will he dote on me? At what point will things change, if they ever do? Will he always look at me in the same reverential way? And assuming that he doesn't, what did I do to change that? Was it a single event? Or a multitude of things?
Those are moments that I guess I will deal with when we get there. For now, I will enjoy them.
Thought of the moment: Humility.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Sooooo BIG!
Jordan had his official 2 month check-up on Friday. He weighed in at 14lb 11oz. 25" long. That puts him at the 97th percentile. Steph wondered if this is a sign of him being a tall/bigger kid. Well, if that's the case he'll be 6'8" 330lbs (so I don't think so). I guess all it means is that we have a healthy baby. Everyday, we see more faces and hear more sounds. Every day gets more and more exciting. I know in 2 years I will wish he was 2 months, but you can just tell me to go back and read my own blog.
Everything looked and sounded normal. He got his first round of vaccinations. The nursing assistant did a good job and gave him his three shots really quick. I think that Jordan did a good job, better than I expected. Steph was mildly heart-broken that he had to go through that. I have been telling her that he'll have to get used to us making him cry and hating us.
He did a lot of sleeping the rest of the day. When he wasn't he was pretty cranky. I'm sure a result of the shots. Steph said there was of talk the shots at her work the other day. I guess Jenny McCarthy, ya know the Playboy model and host of MTV's dating show "Singled Out", goes on Oprah and the provides her medical knowledge about autism, and the world goes along. To meet, it all comes down to my friend Kyle, a top pharmacist for Fairview who has actually read all of the research, saying that you should get every vaccine they offer was enough for me.
Everything looked and sounded normal. He got his first round of vaccinations. The nursing assistant did a good job and gave him his three shots really quick. I think that Jordan did a good job, better than I expected. Steph was mildly heart-broken that he had to go through that. I have been telling her that he'll have to get used to us making him cry and hating us.
He did a lot of sleeping the rest of the day. When he wasn't he was pretty cranky. I'm sure a result of the shots. Steph said there was of talk the shots at her work the other day. I guess Jenny McCarthy, ya know the Playboy model and host of MTV's dating show "Singled Out", goes on Oprah and the provides her medical knowledge about autism, and the world goes along. To meet, it all comes down to my friend Kyle, a top pharmacist for Fairview who has actually read all of the research, saying that you should get every vaccine they offer was enough for me.
Monday, November 8, 2010
2 months
Steph took Jordan to the doctor today. Yesterday he had a temperature of 100.4 degrees. We called the nurse hotline and they had us talk to a doctor. We gave him some infant Tylenol and she told us to bring him in the next morning. Apparently he is ok. They ran tests and he will be off to daycare today. It has been about a week now that he has been battling some nasal congestion. We're getting a lot of stuff out of his nose with the aspirator bulb thingy.
He has his 2 month check-up this Friday. Our first big question was answered today though as we weighed in just over 14 lbs. Everything else seems like it is going well. He, while inconsistent at times, is sleeping better and longer. He is eating more and feeding are getting farther apart. He is developing well. I am moving on to new vowel sounds. I am trying to teach him how to wave. And he is figuring out that if he moves his arms enough while laying on his play mat that he will strike the "bug" and it will create music. Some may think that all of this is coincidence, but we are convinced that Jordan is smarter than the average bear.
This weekend, I went to Wisconsin with the youth group. It was the first night that I did not spend at home with him. It wasn't "hard," but I definitely thought about him a lot and missed him very much. I am glad that I went though. I had a chance to reconnect and hang out with some of the senior highers and cennect with some of the younger kids as well. I spoke Saturday night and I thought it went really well, so did the other leaders. When it goes that well, I really know that God played a huge role. I really feel that God has been using me these last 5 months in a positive way with the youth group.
I am sore today though because we played football Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours. I am getting older, and the body just doesn't work as well as it should. I need to start getting in better shape as I prepare for life with a kid running around. After my performance on the field though, I feel good about being able to teach Jordan about how to throw and catch a football though.
He has his 2 month check-up this Friday. Our first big question was answered today though as we weighed in just over 14 lbs. Everything else seems like it is going well. He, while inconsistent at times, is sleeping better and longer. He is eating more and feeding are getting farther apart. He is developing well. I am moving on to new vowel sounds. I am trying to teach him how to wave. And he is figuring out that if he moves his arms enough while laying on his play mat that he will strike the "bug" and it will create music. Some may think that all of this is coincidence, but we are convinced that Jordan is smarter than the average bear.
This weekend, I went to Wisconsin with the youth group. It was the first night that I did not spend at home with him. It wasn't "hard," but I definitely thought about him a lot and missed him very much. I am glad that I went though. I had a chance to reconnect and hang out with some of the senior highers and cennect with some of the younger kids as well. I spoke Saturday night and I thought it went really well, so did the other leaders. When it goes that well, I really know that God played a huge role. I really feel that God has been using me these last 5 months in a positive way with the youth group.
I am sore today though because we played football Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours. I am getting older, and the body just doesn't work as well as it should. I need to start getting in better shape as I prepare for life with a kid running around. After my performance on the field though, I feel good about being able to teach Jordan about how to throw and catch a football though.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
life and death
Steph and I met with a financial planner from Thrivent Financial. A lot of questions were asked of us, many of which we really didn't know the answer to. How do we plan for college? (Kyle told us that by the time Jordan is 18, the average expense for a college education will be around $200,000- which is why I continue to hold onto the thought that Jordan will be a left-handed pitcher who can switch hit.) How much life insurance do we need? How and when will we retire? What does this mean for our current job situation? Will we be able to save for thin things that we want to do?
Having to think about what will happen if one of us dies is a sobering thought, especially now that we have to consider Jordan.
Considering Jordan: Every day with him keeps getting better. He has more sounds and more movements everyday. We continue to work on his linguistic development. His face lights up when I try and get him to make the "O" sound. He is more active in reaching for and hitting the rings that hang above his play mat. (the other day he actually grabbed and held onto one- he is using is hands and fingers a lot more now).
Thought of the moment: Growth.
Having to think about what will happen if one of us dies is a sobering thought, especially now that we have to consider Jordan.
Considering Jordan: Every day with him keeps getting better. He has more sounds and more movements everyday. We continue to work on his linguistic development. His face lights up when I try and get him to make the "O" sound. He is more active in reaching for and hitting the rings that hang above his play mat. (the other day he actually grabbed and held onto one- he is using is hands and fingers a lot more now).
Thought of the moment: Growth.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
a first!
Just taught Jordan his first letter: O.
He was making sounds, so I exaggerated making the "O" sound. He repeated it twice in a row making the same sound, then letting his little grin sneak out. I tried to get him to do this repeatedly thereafter, and he followed with the same sound two more times. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.
This is gonna be fun!
and since I have so many of your attention now, check this music video by the David Crowder Band out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8cAU475dQo
He was making sounds, so I exaggerated making the "O" sound. He repeated it twice in a row making the same sound, then letting his little grin sneak out. I tried to get him to do this repeatedly thereafter, and he followed with the same sound two more times. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.
This is gonna be fun!
and since I have so many of your attention now, check this music video by the David Crowder Band out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8cAU475dQo
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Glee!
For those who don't know, Glee really is one of the best shows on TV. (Maybe right behind Big Bang Theory). Tonight the topic was faith/religion/spirituality. It was an interesting show because it really did a good job of presenting all of the views (in a light-hearted, comical, yet un-offending manner).
During the climax of the show, I had Jordan in my arms, holding him after a feeding. If there is no God, then how can I be holding such a miracle in my arms? How can I love him so much? How can love even exist? I know that we all might differ on who that god is and how he interacts with us, but for me: I know. And that me be all there is to know. When you experience the reality of God, which I have many times -maybe no more so than with Steph and Jordan - you see clearly what your purpose is. To love God, and to give your love to others.
So to all of the "Curt's" out there: See the beauty in the midst of despair, and the simpleness in the midst of chaos, and know that there is someone out there who has a purpose for you.
During the climax of the show, I had Jordan in my arms, holding him after a feeding. If there is no God, then how can I be holding such a miracle in my arms? How can I love him so much? How can love even exist? I know that we all might differ on who that god is and how he interacts with us, but for me: I know. And that me be all there is to know. When you experience the reality of God, which I have many times -maybe no more so than with Steph and Jordan - you see clearly what your purpose is. To love God, and to give your love to others.
So to all of the "Curt's" out there: See the beauty in the midst of despair, and the simpleness in the midst of chaos, and know that there is someone out there who has a purpose for you.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Ok, Ok. I'll post.
Last night was the first night Jordan slept in his crib. Steph was apparently up most of the night. Apparently the adjustment of being 15 feet away, instead of 5 feet away was too much. I, on the other hand, slept like a baby. But not really because babies actually don't sleep all that well. (They get up a number of times during the night for feeding and fussing. I actually rather prefer sleeping straight through the night without any interruptions.)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
1/2 Day
I took a 1/2 day today. I have been exhausted, feeling I have not seen my son enough, and knowing that today would be a long day, tomorrow too. So I called in "sick" and slept in two more hours. Sleeping in meant that I only got paid for half the day (as I have used up my "sick time" but I felt it was more than worth it). Then I spent some time with Jordan. As is becoming customary for Steph or I, I put him in our bed (because he loves it) and just laid next to him. I laid next to him for about 40 minutes. I might have dozed off for a minute or two, but otherwise I just watched him, hugged him, and kissed him. The 40 minutes was by far the best 40 minutes of the last 40 hours. Just being around him reminds me how much I love him, and how much everything I do affects him.
The rest of the day went pretty well. School was ok. Tennis was good, for the most part.
Aside from Jordan, however, the day brought about two reminders of the frailty of teenage life. A student in our department was taken to the hospital this morning (while I was home on my "sick" day) because of suicidal thoughts- thoughts that may be re-enforced by the behaviors of a drug-addicted father. The second, the recurring battle with depression of a kid who is close to me. Both of these are a stark reminder to the stressors of life and tornado of emotions that was introduced to me this summer. I believe that I have heard too many stories of teen depression and suicide in the last 4 months to ignore the fact that God is trying to prepare me for something, or that he is/will be using me for something. I truly pray that one of the natural conclusions to this assumption is not the real cause.
Thoughts for the Moment: Sun and Rain.
The rest of the day went pretty well. School was ok. Tennis was good, for the most part.
Aside from Jordan, however, the day brought about two reminders of the frailty of teenage life. A student in our department was taken to the hospital this morning (while I was home on my "sick" day) because of suicidal thoughts- thoughts that may be re-enforced by the behaviors of a drug-addicted father. The second, the recurring battle with depression of a kid who is close to me. Both of these are a stark reminder to the stressors of life and tornado of emotions that was introduced to me this summer. I believe that I have heard too many stories of teen depression and suicide in the last 4 months to ignore the fact that God is trying to prepare me for something, or that he is/will be using me for something. I truly pray that one of the natural conclusions to this assumption is not the real cause.
Thoughts for the Moment: Sun and Rain.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
A moment
Tonight I read Jordan a story; it was the first in a few days. He was a little fussy, so I laid him down on our bed (which he loves) and laid next to him. I talked to him a little bit and gave him the attention that he loves. When I started reading, I moved back a little. He became a little more fussy (I think because he could hear my voice but he couldn't see me). After about 5 seconds of fussing he reached out his hand til it touched my arm and he knew where I was. He kept "a hold" of me til I was done with the story. Precious! Just by the look on his face, I can tell he loves when I read to him.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Date night
Steph and I went out last night. Grandma Rachel stayed home with Jordan, and I felt good about that.
We went to MS Grill- thank you restaurant.com. The ribeye I had was amazing! Everything else was just ok. Nice to try new places though.
I think it was the first time Steph and I were alone since Jordan was born (other than the 7 minutes for the circ- but I won't count that). We had time to talk about Jordan, and so many other things. We talked a lot about what it has been like with him, and the whole experience of having him. Honestly, I can't remember too many specifics of what we talked about. Actually, so much of my life in the last 3 weeks has just melted together. I don't remember what time he got up, or how many ounces I fed him, or anything else like that.
I think it was nice to be able to reflect outloud with Steph about our experience. Much of my reflection has been on my blog (which is mildly editied, of course), to myself, and to my co-workers (which have been a great help), Keeping an open line of communication is really the only path to sanity, right? It was also nice to pray before our meal. It is something that we don't really do, but need to start doing more of. It was nice to re-focus us back on our Strength, and ultimately our best resource in life.
Thought of the moment: Persistence.
We went to MS Grill- thank you restaurant.com. The ribeye I had was amazing! Everything else was just ok. Nice to try new places though.
I think it was the first time Steph and I were alone since Jordan was born (other than the 7 minutes for the circ- but I won't count that). We had time to talk about Jordan, and so many other things. We talked a lot about what it has been like with him, and the whole experience of having him. Honestly, I can't remember too many specifics of what we talked about. Actually, so much of my life in the last 3 weeks has just melted together. I don't remember what time he got up, or how many ounces I fed him, or anything else like that.
I think it was nice to be able to reflect outloud with Steph about our experience. Much of my reflection has been on my blog (which is mildly editied, of course), to myself, and to my co-workers (which have been a great help), Keeping an open line of communication is really the only path to sanity, right? It was also nice to pray before our meal. It is something that we don't really do, but need to start doing more of. It was nice to re-focus us back on our Strength, and ultimately our best resource in life.
Thought of the moment: Persistence.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Jordan time
Today was the first time in a few days that I have been able to just enjoy Jordan. I can say it has been awhile because I remember it standing out in my mind and being special. The house was full of family, but I had 30 minutes to just hold Jordan. I wasn't feeding him, I wasn't trying to soothe him, I wasn't trying to give Steph a much-needed break. I was just holding and loving my son.
He was so peaceful and calm. He was beautiful. I hope that I will continue to enjoy and appreciate moments like the one that happen tonight. Hopefully, I will be more intentional about making them happen.
Thought of the moment: Peace.
He was so peaceful and calm. He was beautiful. I hope that I will continue to enjoy and appreciate moments like the one that happen tonight. Hopefully, I will be more intentional about making them happen.
Thought of the moment: Peace.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Back to School
Today was my first day back at work. No tears. No nervousness. No guilt. No Jordan though.
I was able to keep myself fairly busy. It was good to see my co-workers and kids from last year. Got right back into things- pulling a practical joke on Spriggs (he should know better than to leave his computer unlocked when I'm around). Not having seen everyone for 3 months makes the transition easier I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather look at Jordan than Lucille and Sam, that's for sure. My thoughts did occasionally drift home and wonder how things were going. I'm more concerned because of his cold. More concerned that Steph is keeping sane and getting a little rest than anything, I guess.
It was a long day considering I left at 6:30am and didn't get home til 5:30pm because of tennis. I got home and just loved seeing Jordan. He is so beautiful! And his face keeps changing. There is always something new to notice. He was little fussy. I gave Steph a break as she finally took a nap today. I fed him 4oz and 1 1/2 hours later he was hungry again. Gave him a bath tonight. Not too into that. He does like having his head washed though.
Both he and Steph are napping now. Twins are up 8-2 and threatening to break it open even more.
I was able to keep myself fairly busy. It was good to see my co-workers and kids from last year. Got right back into things- pulling a practical joke on Spriggs (he should know better than to leave his computer unlocked when I'm around). Not having seen everyone for 3 months makes the transition easier I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather look at Jordan than Lucille and Sam, that's for sure. My thoughts did occasionally drift home and wonder how things were going. I'm more concerned because of his cold. More concerned that Steph is keeping sane and getting a little rest than anything, I guess.
It was a long day considering I left at 6:30am and didn't get home til 5:30pm because of tennis. I got home and just loved seeing Jordan. He is so beautiful! And his face keeps changing. There is always something new to notice. He was little fussy. I gave Steph a break as she finally took a nap today. I fed him 4oz and 1 1/2 hours later he was hungry again. Gave him a bath tonight. Not too into that. He does like having his head washed though.
Both he and Steph are napping now. Twins are up 8-2 and threatening to break it open even more.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
a cold
Jordan has a cold. The nurse said that he is pretty young to have a cold. It has provided some more challenges to sleep and fussiness and such. We have saline drops that we try to get in his nose and a suction bulb thingy to get the "snot" out. Sometimes it is effective, but it is always an adventure. Putting the drops in is one of the few times that we hear him cry.
His cold has definitely increased his overall fussiness and restlessness, but I still should consider ourselves lucky because I think we still have to deal with less crying and fussiness than a lot of new parents.
His cold has definitely increased his overall fussiness and restlessness, but I still should consider ourselves lucky because I think we still have to deal with less crying and fussiness than a lot of new parents.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
hole-in-one
A number of years ago, I was about 6 inches from hitting a hole in one. And every time I step onto the golf course (which isn't that often), I try to replicate that feat. It is that moment of near perfection that brings golfers of all kind back to the links. It is for that moment, that exhilaration, that men endure sand traps, and roughs, and water hazards, and trees, and slices and hooks and everything else.
I find myself overcome by those hole-in-one moments with Jordan. Just looking at him is a hole-in-one moment. There is a sense of peace- of completeness- that radiates through him. I can see that peace. When he is sleeping. When he is looking at me, and smiling to the tone of my voice as I read or sing to him. When he is feeding, taking in the thing that will help him become a big, strong boy.
Honestly, I have to admit that this whole dad thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I still find the beauty in having to change his diapers, but really?! It's just so often, and I only change them half of the time. Staying up with him at night is hard. Not for the lack of sleep really, I am used to operating on small amounts of sleep. What is draining is the emotional toll it takes to see him in discomfort and not knowing exactly how to fix it. I mean, it just really takes its toll.
But I guess that's why this is a team thing. I know that I would not be able to do this without Steph and I know that she feels the same way. I see her with so much patience, which is odd because its usually the other way around. I wonder what it is really like for single parents or families with a dad who is frequently absent or disinterested. I am grateful to have the partnership that I have. And I will need to remember that when the times get tough (because I am for sure that I will forget).
So, after having changed 3 diapers in the last hour and 15 minutes or so and fed him 3 times in the last 4 hours (I know, can you believe he eats that much- the last was almost out of desperation, he was crying so loudly), I have to remember that I am trying to get back to that hole-in-one moment. And I know that I will experience it shortly...
Thought of the Moment: Tired
I find myself overcome by those hole-in-one moments with Jordan. Just looking at him is a hole-in-one moment. There is a sense of peace- of completeness- that radiates through him. I can see that peace. When he is sleeping. When he is looking at me, and smiling to the tone of my voice as I read or sing to him. When he is feeding, taking in the thing that will help him become a big, strong boy.
Honestly, I have to admit that this whole dad thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I still find the beauty in having to change his diapers, but really?! It's just so often, and I only change them half of the time. Staying up with him at night is hard. Not for the lack of sleep really, I am used to operating on small amounts of sleep. What is draining is the emotional toll it takes to see him in discomfort and not knowing exactly how to fix it. I mean, it just really takes its toll.
But I guess that's why this is a team thing. I know that I would not be able to do this without Steph and I know that she feels the same way. I see her with so much patience, which is odd because its usually the other way around. I wonder what it is really like for single parents or families with a dad who is frequently absent or disinterested. I am grateful to have the partnership that I have. And I will need to remember that when the times get tough (because I am for sure that I will forget).
So, after having changed 3 diapers in the last hour and 15 minutes or so and fed him 3 times in the last 4 hours (I know, can you believe he eats that much- the last was almost out of desperation, he was crying so loudly), I have to remember that I am trying to get back to that hole-in-one moment. And I know that I will experience it shortly...
Thought of the Moment: Tired
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tough day- tough baby.
Jordan was circumcised today. For those of you with sons, this may be all I need to say. But for my own sanity, I will record my thoughts:
I guess we will have to make tough decisions for Jordan our whole life. And today was the first. A simple medical procedure, without too much medical purpose. The societal impact is hard to ignore. The cultural impact is rather irrelevant for us. But the family impact was huge.
We both left the room when Dr. Jiwa (we love her!) did the procedure. We actually went to Caribou (I had a Mocha Cooler and Steph had a Wild Berry Smoothie [not as good as McDonald's she says]). It was heart-breaking to know that we made the decision to put him through that pain- albeit a momentary pain in the grand scheme of life. It was also the first time Steph was away from him; a momentary one, but one she will have to get used to eventually. Dr. Jiwa said he won't remember it, and we'll probably forget in a couple of weeks too. But it was really hard to make that choice for him.
The Dr and nurse said he did really well (which they probably always say). Hopefully, our son will always stay tough in these moments, because there will be many. Hopefully, we will stay tough in these moments, because there will be many. Hopefully, we can approach the tough times in life, the unpleasant and painful (emotional and physical) times with a deep perspective. Hopefully, Jordan will learn how to be tough (and we will teach him how to be tough) when times are tough.
Thought of the Moment: Empathy
I guess we will have to make tough decisions for Jordan our whole life. And today was the first. A simple medical procedure, without too much medical purpose. The societal impact is hard to ignore. The cultural impact is rather irrelevant for us. But the family impact was huge.
We both left the room when Dr. Jiwa (we love her!) did the procedure. We actually went to Caribou (I had a Mocha Cooler and Steph had a Wild Berry Smoothie [not as good as McDonald's she says]). It was heart-breaking to know that we made the decision to put him through that pain- albeit a momentary pain in the grand scheme of life. It was also the first time Steph was away from him; a momentary one, but one she will have to get used to eventually. Dr. Jiwa said he won't remember it, and we'll probably forget in a couple of weeks too. But it was really hard to make that choice for him.
The Dr and nurse said he did really well (which they probably always say). Hopefully, our son will always stay tough in these moments, because there will be many. Hopefully, we will stay tough in these moments, because there will be many. Hopefully, we can approach the tough times in life, the unpleasant and painful (emotional and physical) times with a deep perspective. Hopefully, Jordan will learn how to be tough (and we will teach him how to be tough) when times are tough.
Thought of the Moment: Empathy
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Day 6
Today was the first day out of the house since we got home from the hospital. (It has been a blessing to have Grandma Ratz here doing pretty near everything for us). Took almost 2 hours to get everything ready. And the crazy thing... I got a little nervous. Nervous to leave the house. Today Steph got to experience the stress of driving with the little one. (Got honked at by one J*@%#*!! because she started to brake before the turn lane).
Stopped at our community/fellowship center (i.e. church). We interrupted staff meeting, but I think that was ok :). We all feel so supported and loved there. Rent-a-grandma (Allyne) and friend/ministry partner (Kari) got to hold him.
Then off to the doctor, actually a nurse practitioner, for a check -up. Everything went well. He is almost back up to birth weight - a good sign. Not a surprise considering all of the food he eats. You'd think that at a pediatricians office, they would try to cut down on your wait time in the rooms, especially with babies who need to be fed and changed. Oh well.
Lessons learned: at the pediatricians office. I will not be that parent. The one who lets their kid crawl over everything and put their dirty hands on the fish tank glass. Or at Chipotle: the one who lets their kid crawl underneath the tables where other people are actually sitting and then joking about it to them. And putting them and their dirty shoes on the ledge right over where they make the food. I told Kari (see above) that I will be the parent yelling at his kid to stop such things, so much so that other people look and wonder if they should call protective services. (just kidding) But really, since when did these things become "acceptable" to so many parents. I really hope that I don't cave to that level. Ok, I'm done.
Thought of the moment: Whelmed.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Could I get used to this?
Morning TV channel surfing:
Will & Grace
Hoarders
I Love Lucy
Ellen
I wish I was the one taking 6 weeks off :)
Will & Grace
Hoarders
I Love Lucy
Ellen
I wish I was the one taking 6 weeks off :)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Life has changed
Well, life is a little bit different from last week. The amazingness of the journey that has led to Jordan's life is overwhelming. Occasionally, I catch a glance of the enormity of what I am involved in: the formation of a life. Having taught and coached and mentored most of my life, it is surreal to think that now I, and Steph, will have the greatest impact on who he becomes.
The sounds and faces that Jordan makes help remind me of the fragility and beauty of life. They make you stop and appreciate the little things. Communication is shared through touch and instinct, rather than words. Looking for the cues in his sounds reminds me to pay attention to the cues that happen in my everyday interactions.
There is beauty in everything. In his face. Which is ever-changing and so expressive. He gets more beautiful every day. In his soiled diapers. It is the beauty of doing something for someone that they cannot do on their own, but desperately need done. In breastfeeding. Knowing that God created woman to experience the miracle of birth, and then created her body to provide everything that he needs. In sleep. Not only his but our own. Sleep a necessity and a privilege. A reward for a job well done.
I must remember to slow myself in the quiet moments and remember that this is all a gift from God. Not something that I have earned, but an continually giving expression of his grace. I must remember to always thank God for all of his blessings.
Thought of the moment: Thankful.
The sounds and faces that Jordan makes help remind me of the fragility and beauty of life. They make you stop and appreciate the little things. Communication is shared through touch and instinct, rather than words. Looking for the cues in his sounds reminds me to pay attention to the cues that happen in my everyday interactions.
There is beauty in everything. In his face. Which is ever-changing and so expressive. He gets more beautiful every day. In his soiled diapers. It is the beauty of doing something for someone that they cannot do on their own, but desperately need done. In breastfeeding. Knowing that God created woman to experience the miracle of birth, and then created her body to provide everything that he needs. In sleep. Not only his but our own. Sleep a necessity and a privilege. A reward for a job well done.
I must remember to slow myself in the quiet moments and remember that this is all a gift from God. Not something that I have earned, but an continually giving expression of his grace. I must remember to always thank God for all of his blessings.
Thought of the moment: Thankful.
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